I know it’s popular to say and think that time heals all wounds, however that has not been my experience. Loss is hard, complicated, very personal, and very lonely. Also I will say this, child loss is next level. I have lost a brother, and a father, and yes that too is very painful, but nothing like the way it feels to not watch your child grow up. It’s a different level of pain, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
I remember one night shortly after my baby had passed lying in bed crying, and my sweet man grabbed my hand, and told me I didn’t have to feel alone. He is amazing , and SO sweet, but I disagree. We can be holding hands and crying about the exact same loss and experiencing something SO different. You see we are all so wildly different and we we both had a different relationship with our son. Beyond that we all process things differently, and feel things differently. So even though we are grieving together we are still grieving alone.
I will say this, time does make managing all the gut wrenching emotions involved a little easier to navigate, but the loss will always still be there. I can best describe the grief process like wearing a backpack. Once you have this level of loss that backpack will always be with you. You never get to take it off. Sometimes it feels pretty light like there is just the back pack or one brick, and sometimes it feels really heavy like there is 10 bricks. Some days will just feel heavy. It will always be with you, and I believe is the cost of love!!
My advice if your going through it right now is to find little moments joy. There is still SO much joy, and beauty in this life even when your sad. For me it was my other kids. They bring me SO much joy, everyday, and fill my heart up only in the way that being a mamma can. I am so grateful for them. So find whatever it is that brings you a moment of joy, and keep going back to it every single day, cuz it’s those little moments that will keep you going when your backpack is heavy.
Forever missing one.
Thanks for sharing, in this specific blog, and in all that you are sharing. My sister has had two of her children die premature deaths and our family is grieving the incomprehensibility of it all. Her son was 15 when he died in 2013 and her daughter was 25 when she died in 2019. It is helpful for me to hear from your point of view as the mother.
I am SO sorry to hear that. I will keep your family in my prayers. xo